As You Were
by FireBolero
Summary: A troubling dream causes X to question his loyalty to the most important person in his life. Set after X5. Mild X/Zero.


**As You Were**

The sun peered through a prism of radiation and toxic haze, bathing the figure in unnatural violet light.

He wore his familiar red armor, the hilt of his unlit beam saber resting easily in one hand. Golden hair spilled down his back and dipped below his knees. A few shining strands had wound themselves around his waist and fluttered there in the wind. He bowed his head as if contemplating the confused wreckage beneath him.

Beautiful, X thought distractedly. If Zero detected his presence he didn't acknowledge it; he stood preternaturally still against the bruised sky. X swallowed hard and took a step forward. The concrete crumbled alarmingly beneath his feet, and he was acutely aware that the whole ruined structure could give way at any moment. He tried hard not to think about the dizzying drop inches away from the ledge where his friend perched. Why had Zero invited him here?

"I guess I missed my true calling," came Zero's voice, harsh with contempt.

X froze, taken aback by his tone.

"The old man would spin in his grave if he knew that I'd become a hunter." Zero chuckled darkly. "Not that I really care what he thinks, but I'm the one that has to live with his legacy. Fuck, I _am_ his legacy."

"Zero?" X asked, hesitantly, not quite comprehending what he was hearing.

Zero finally glanced over his shoulder and X gasped to see a face much altered. His normally calm features were twisted with a malice that sent shudders down X's spine.

"X. You and Dr. Cain were the ones who wrote over my original program, right?" Wild blue eyes bored holes in X's vision.

X lowered his eyes, unable to withstand the intensity of Zero's gaze.

"Yes, but you already knew that," he replied, his mind racing with confusion. Since finding out the truth about his past, Zero had always seemed so reluctant to discuss it. It was a source of uncomfortable tension for them both.

"Why?" Zero persisted.

X briefly recalled jostling with the other lab assistants, long ago, to get a glimpse of the crazed red maverick that had wiped out an entire hunter unit with its bare hands before being shut down.

He blinked and returned to the present. "He thought you would make a powerful ally," he answered, raising his eyes again to look at his friend.

Zero laughed bitterly and X cringed at the sound.

"Isn't that painfully ironic?" Zero hissed, turning to look over the ledge once more. "Never knowing for a second that_I_ was the cause of his and everyone else's suffering in the first place. Never knowing that I turned Sigma, his pride and joy, into the raving, murdering freak that he is!" Zero's laughter pealed out again, though X distinctly heard the harsh, retching sobs he was trying hard to mask.

Tears of compassion sprang to X's eyes. It pained him to see the soul he cared about most in the grip of such anguish. As far as he was concerned Zero had repaid whatever debt he might have owed the world a thousand times over. Even if he hadn't, Zero had been the bright center of X's life for as long as they had known each other.

X moved forward and placed a tentative hand on Zero's shoulder. "Don't forget," he said softly, "every reploid ever created has inherited my flaws. If you're to blame then I'm equally to blame."

Zero turned to look at him, his face pinched with sorrow. "Don't . . . don't you ever blame yourself," he whispered hoarsely. "You're too _good_, X."

Wordlessly, X wrapped both arms around Zero's waist and rested his cheek against the red chest plate. Zero sighed softly and kissed the jewel on X's forehead, his free hand snaking around to pull him a little closer. X felt his heart soar and blushed to be held so even as he feverishly prayed that Zero's fit had passed. The breeze tossed the endless mane of blonde hair around them both, and they shared a few moments of comfortable silence.

Finally Zero spoke softly, stirring X from his reverie.

"Maybe we aren't to blame for what's happened . . . we can't help how we're made. But we can blame those who made us."

X's eyes flew open and he stared up at Zero in shock.

"W-what?" he breathed.

Zero wasn't looking at him. His gaze was far away, a dangerous glint forming in his eyes.

"Smart enough to give us life, too lazy to take any responsibility for how we turned out," Zero whispered, his voice hardening with every syllable. "Making us work for all these years to fix their mistakes."

X backpedaled in alarm, shrugging off his hand. He stared at Zero intently as dread pooled in his midsection. "Do you mean just our creators?" he asked, cautiously. "Or humans in general?"

Zero snarled and coiled his fingers more tightly around his saber hilt. "They're all as bad as each other. I hate them all!"

X felt his heart sink. His hunter reflexes screamed at him to subdue his friend, but his buster arm lay dead at his side, unable to fathom such a deed. He bit his lip as his conscience raged within him. Their relationship, in its strange myriad of guises, meant the world to him. More and more his affection for the Crimson Hunter teetered on the brink of that terrifying emotional abyss he did not dare name, for fear of being swallowed whole by it. On the other hand, he knew precisely how dangerous Zero could be if he was misguided by hatred. His virtuosity with his blade was unrivaled, and he'd always had that unsettling tendency to lose himself in battle . . .

"Zero," X tried, "what you're saying, it sounds like – "

"I know what it sounds like!" Zero snapped, glaring at X. He saw the hurt in X's eyes and his tone softened. "What happened with Sigma . . . the humans brought that on themselves. But they have yet to pay for toying with you and I." With a flick of his thumb Zero ignited his saber handle and the glowing green blade appeared.

All at once Zero's intentions became clearer and X's mouth fell open in horror.

"No . . ." he whispered, his plea drowned out by the humming sword.

Zero gazed at him, almost mournfully. "I don't expect you to follow me, X," he said, before turning and readying himself for the daunting jump from the ledge.

X stood dumbfounded, moving his lips several times unsuccessfully before he found his voice.

"Wait!" he croaked at last.

Zero paused and glanced back.

X thought rapidly. "Zero!" he cried. "You gave your life to save mankind. If you do what I think you're going to do, you'll erase from their minds every sacrifice you've ever made for them."

"For them?" Zero asked incredulously. He shook his head. "X, I did it for you. It's always been for you." With a sad parting smile, he turned and disappeared from view.

"No!" X shouted, leaping forward to grab his partner and grabbing empty air instead . . .

* * *

X awoke with a gasp as his hands struck the transparent glass bubble of his restoration capsule. His last shout rang in his ears, and it took several bewildered seconds before he could convince himself of his surroundings.

He slumped backwards and groaned softly. Another nightmare. He'd been experiencing them with terrifying regularity ever since . . .

His eyes flew open. Hardly daring to breathe, he fumbled around the capsule with his right hand, spirits flagging once more as his fingers closed around the Z-saber handle. He brought it before his eyes as his vision began to waver around the edges.

X had kept the keepsake close at hand in the aftermath of the very recent Eurasia crisis. He carried it as a reminder of all that Zero had given him in life, but in his depressed state it only served to remind him of his death. He shook his head slightly, still trying to comprehend what had happened. Zero had managed to survive a near suicide mission to stop the colony in its collision course with the planet, but had fallen in the end to an old nemesis, Sigma. X flinched at the still-fresh memory of holding Zero's barely recognizable body in his hands, looking desperately for some glimmer of life before the blackness had overtaken him as well.

He had tried several times to organize a search to look for Zero's remains, hoping feverishly that he could be salvaged, but each time he had been pulled away by his duties to the Maverick Hunters. The organization was now screaming for able bodies after the virus had wiped out two thirds of the force. It grieved X when his loyalties became so divided, especially when attending to one meant abandoning the other. His dream, he realized with a frown, had played off that intense fear of choosing between his responsibility and his friendship.

There had long been a suspicion, however quiet, among the hunter ranks that Zero would at some point revert to his original, maverick self – after all, Sigma had flooded the planet with his virus in an attempt to force such a transformation. X moaned and wrapped his arms around his middle, trying to block out the memory of his last encounter with Zero. X's paranoia had clashed with Zero's pride, and, caught up in the desperate heat of battle, the two friends had fought bitterly. His hand flew to his lips as he recalled the look of betrayal in Zero's eyes that had quickly morphed into the savage, almost rapturous, expression he wore when he fought his enemies. Afterwards, as they both lay sorely wounded in body and spirit, X had realized, belatedly, what he had already known to be true: Zero had long overcome his maverick past. He was loyal to the core, especially where X was concerned. He had fought until his dying breath to protect him from Sigma.

X cursed himself for allowing mistrust to get the better of him, for raising his arm self-righteously against the one he cared about the most. More than ever he resolved to find whatever trace of Zero that still existed in the world and to try to make him whole again, if only so he could look into those profound blue eyes and ask for forgiveness.

He touched his forehead, where he had imagined Zero's kiss had fallen, and smiled weakly in spite of himself. As disquieting as his dreams could be, they did tend to fulfill his suppressed, starry-eyed fantasies about the Crimson Hunter. Yet another reason to continue with the search.

He clutched the Z-saber handle tightly as he whispered an oath aloud.

"Zero . . . I'll find you somewhere. We'll be together again. I promise."


End file.
